Now that it is over, I can tell you all about it: Coachella 2015
Corporate Headquarters was as great as we all knew it would be. I was pleased to contribute my skills as the exterior designer on the project. Our crew was a blessing and our ring leaders Vanessa Bonet and Derek Doublin have a tremendous success on their hands! Big kudos to everyone involved!
But what IS it?
According to the New Hire Packet:
Corporate Headquarters is the industry leader in leveraging robust, seamless, holistic, high-level, best of breed win-win ideation and monetization into the private sector allowing for complete market saturation. Since our inception we have scaled-up and drilled down our capability for synergies to synergize.
We have proven through disintermediated analysis that facilitating supply chain globalization macro-intuitively allows us to syndicate strategically. We have reinvented the wheel of our core competencies, key performance indicators and practical applications with our paradigm shifting scheme for streamlining new deliverables with baked-in touch points, cross-platform scalability and agile, real-time data mining solutions. The metrics for distributed bricks-and-clicks,end-to-end and point of sale are the aspirational low hanging fruit that we employ to open the kimono, drink the kool aid, peel the onion, close the loop, circle the wagons and empower consumer buy-in to move the needle, into their wheelhouse with many moving parts.
It’s this type of outside the box thinking that allows us to mow outside the lawn, color outside the lines and punch above our weight class while putting our ducks in a row and leveraging our multiple verticals to create 360 solutions to take this ecosystem offline.
With a 50,000 foot view of these next generation, enterprise, long tail, event horizon, mission critical, unique selling propositions we have the bandwidth and competitive advantage to benchmark game changing deliverables and take our B2B campaign and process management to the next level through crowd sourcing evergreen tent pole stakeholders and providing unique selling propositions and social currency to gatekeepers with golden parachutes.
Our cut and dried strategy for success depends on casting a wide net, circling the wagons, pushing the envelope to the bleeding edge of dynamic, actionable, customer centric, integrated, re-contextualized, results driven touch point transparency spearheaded by our agile on-boarding of learnings fleshed out from our beta launch.
We employ only the latest stratcomm vetted human resource management and black hat forced compliance techniques to create a value-centric, fear based corporate culture with virtually no turnover and a spotless glass ceiling. Without trying to boil the ocean, we have ideated and soft-launched over-the-wall best practices that render our competition, bottlenecked, out of pocket and scrambling for an exit plan. Our team of Corporate Headhunters have picked clean their corporate carcasses bringing aboard their best and brightest thought leaders to integrate, inspire and incentivize complete brand loyalty and ensure a promising Return on Investment for our primary stockholder, Hipson O Potemous.
To learn more, read some of our press:
Caution, hippos working: Inside Coachella's 'Corporate Headquarters' - LA Times
What's it like to be a hippo inside Corporate Headquarters at Coachella? - LA Weekly
My time as a hippo at Coachella - UT San Diego
6 Best Artworks of Coachella 2015 - LA Weekly
How Corporate Headquarters Faired at Coachella Music Festival - Huffington Post
Teale Hatheway is a Los Angeles based artist known for her mixed media paintings and installations of local architecture, streetlights and ornamental details.